(Shameless, somewhat relevant picture of our adorable Marin.)
She was talking to a group of high schoolers, but the message cut straight through me.
Those little kids want to know if they are close to where they want to going, how far until they've finally arrived... and when they get an answer, however vague, they trust their parents and keep riding along.
With every season of life, there seems to be these big, looming questions....
What college should I go to?
Who am I going to marry?
When are we going to buy a house?
When should we start a family?
Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
I have been a very bratty backseat passenger the past few months. Not only am I asking the questions repeatedly, but I'm not trusting the Lord and his timing or his answers.
I have always struggled with patience and wanting to be in control. Not a great combo when the future isn't crystal clear. Probably not a great combo anytime really.
I can remember way back to my high school graduation and some advice my dad gave me. I had to give a speech at the ceremony and I wanted to talk to my class about the next step for us, the coolest thing ever to happen to us, what we'd all been waiting for: College. Of course, I hadn't ever been and neither had they, so I had to ask about what it was like to write my speech.
My dad (ever so wise) said that college could be the best time in my life - or it might not be. I might figure out exactly what I want to do and who I want to be in college - or I might not. His pep talk indeed lacked a little pep, but he proceeded to tell me that waiting on the Lord was the best thing to learn as life transitions to new places, new seasons, new challenges. He mentioned Jesus waiting to go into ministry. Paul waited after he was blinded on the road to Damascus.
So I gave a speech on waiting. It was a defining moment for me.
The Lord was gracious to give me that lesson before I even fully understood it. From high school, to college, to jobs and now marriage-- I keep having to go back there and relearn the lesson.
Waiting. Waiting on the Lord.
It is so hard for me to not have all the answers. In this season, I want to know what God is going to do with Evan's job. I want to know when we will be in a house that is our own. I want to know when we'll have kids and if I'll be able to stay home. I want to know if missions are in our future. Oh, so many things!
Evan and I talk about making sure we aren't holding on too tightly to the things that make us feel comfortable and safe. We want to be willing to go and do whatever the Lord asks.
But, really, I feel like I have had to check myself and make sure I'm not too impatient and concerned with my schedule, that I jump ahead of the Lord and starting taking control.
If I'm honest, my heart is saying: I am willing to obey You Lord, but You need to speak and move on my timeframe.
Ummm, don't think that's going to work.
Psalm 46:10 keeps running through my mind. "Be still and know that I am God."
And I love that some versions say, "Cease striving and know that I am God."
Just rest. Trust. Wait.
He knows exactly when we'll get there.