Sunday will mark our one year anniversary.
Of being married.
Is that possible?
This past year has been wonderful. I woke up this morning and just laid in bed thinking through all the perfect moments, vulnerable conversations, funny memories, and overall sanctification that Evan and I have shared over the year.
There have been brief, fleeting moments this year when I felt like an awesome wife... I have managed to cook a decent meal, make the bed, "spot clean," throw in a load of laundry, feed the dog, and be a good listener all in one day.
Those are the days that I think, "Yes, of course, he loves me. Who wouldn't? I am amazing."
More often though, I am what I don't prefer anyone to see. Stressed out. Cranky. Emotional (blame the meds). Not a neat freak... not even a clean person really. Forgetful. Lazy. The list goes on, but I think you get the picture. The point is, Evan sees all of this.
These are the days that I think, "Why would he love me? I am a mess...just like our house. I'm not even particularly fond of myself."
It is in those moments that I realize what a treasure I have been given.
I have a man who loves me for me, yes. But it's more than that. He loves me despite me.
He loves me because he's been loved, saved, redeemed and transformed by Christ into a guy who can look beyond the crying, stressed out wife in front of him and see her heart and just hug her. Snot and all.
As I sit here and think about this milestone in our marriage, I am most grateful for a Gospel that affects real life, real people. I'm thankful for a God who loves reconciliation, who saw fit to save us while we were still messy, and longs for a deep, intimate relationship with us. He paved the way for beautiful marriages by showing us how to love. How to sacrifice. How to forgive. I would seriously botch this thing up if it weren't for Him.
And I know I am beyond blessed to have a man who loves the Lord enough to pursue his wife when things are perfect and even more so when things are not perfect.
Evan, I love you with my whole heart. Thank you for marrying me, for loving me and for making me laugh. Thank you for loving the not-so-put-together version of me. You are my best friend and I wouldn't want to eat a year-old cake topper with anyone else!